You Don't Need Their Approval

Who are "they" anyway???

I wrote this post about a year ago, but I wrote this post on LinkedIn a month ago. Different year, same thoughts! Also, I’m answering my first AMA question about how long it took me to earn a decent income freelancing, so scroll to the bottom to see the answer!

Photo by ian dooley on Unsplash

I see a lot of freelancers saying that people don't understand what they do. I read an article about a stay-at-home mom and freelance writer who said she struggled to explain her job to people and when she did, they often didn't understand. She cited societal pressures to get a real job after college and then societal expectations to return to said job after her children went to school. Ultimately, at the end of the article, she declared herself to be a writer, proudly.

But I struggled to understand why it took so long.

I see this a lot in the freelance world. Often, people don't understand what a freelance writer is, how we get paid, or exactly what we do. And this can stir up feelings of insecurity and the underlying need for the approval of outsiders. But why?

And yes, I understand that we all have an inherent need for approval on some level, but hear me out...

I was a teacher before quitting to stay home with my kids. Going back to teaching was never the plan, but it was an understandable question when people were making conversation. Initially, my answer was "I'm not sure yet" because I really wasn't sure. After I started writing and seeing some money start coming in, my answer was "probably not". And now that I'm making a living writing, my answer is "no way!" followed by a chuckle and my husband's quick interjection that I make more than I did teaching. At this point, we get incredulous, even dismissive looks, from people who don't understand.

And I LOVE it.

I've always been a little (a lot?) strange. I do weird things for weird reasons. I set crazy goals that people, rightly, think are crazy.

And outside approval really doesn't factor in. I love it when people are confused or dismissive because it shakes them out of what they think is possible and it gives me even more reason to do the thing I said I was going to do.

Here's an example:

When I was getting my Master's in teaching, the plan was for me to graduate, move halfway across the country with my boyfriend (now husband), and pay off my student loan debt in five years. I told my cooperating teacher this when he asked what my plans were.

I'll never forget how he looked at me, like he could see what was coming for me and it wasn't good.

With only good intentions, he told me how he had moved to the area with a girlfriend only to break up and have to start over on his own. As far as paying off $60,000 of student loans in five years, his response was simply "life happens."

I thought of that moment many times while my husband and I moved halfway across the country not once, but twice, that summer. And when we paid off my student loans, not in five years, but in three and a half.

I also often think of how people looked at me when I said I was moving to Virginia to live with a friend. Or when I chose my first college based on a single picture in a college catalog before I even looked at what college it was. Or when I said I was going to quit my job to be a stay-at-home mom. I think of the well-meaning people who told me not to get my hopes up, wondered why I was taking a risk, or implied that I was going to crash and burn.

And I thank goodness that I never took their approval into account.

Their opinions, their fears, their warnings, and their insecurities have had no impact other than to make me more resolute in whatever crazy decision I was making. And in the vast majority of cases, their concerns were a reflection of them, not me, and they typically had my best interests at heart, and often, their fears were valid. But they weren't my fears.

So, let them be confused and incredulous and critical. Let them be all of it. Because you know what you're doing. And, maybe even delight in their confusion a little.

You don't need their approval.

AMA

Hi Steph! How long did it take you to earn a decent income when you started freelancing? Was it hard to get there?

I replaced my teaching income my fourth year of freelancing.

2019: It was either $4,000 or $8,000. I honestly can’t remember, but I remember my goal for 2020 was $12,000, and that felt crazy.

2020: $20,000! I was home with our two kids to start the year, and I was pregnant with our third who was born in July. There was also a pandemic. So to say this was a weird year would be an understatement. The oldest started school in the fall.

2021: $20,000, again! I was now home with three kids - ages baby, 2 and 4 - and doing most of my work before they woke up and during naps.

2022: $46,000! When I left teaching, I was making $49,000 but also paying for gas and insurance, so I counted this as the year I replaced my teaching income and made a full-time income doing a very part-time job!

I’ve increased my income every year since and am striving to do the same this year!

To answer the second part, it depends on your definition of hard. Was it hard to get up at 4 am (sometimes 3 am) almost every day? Sort of. I really love getting up early, so even though I would fall asleep in weird places during the day (the floor, the yard, my desk, etc), I didn’t mind it too much.

There’s also rejection to deal with when you send out outreach and don’t hear back, so that can be tough. And it can be scary not knowing what you’re going to make month to month.

But, I loved what I was doing (and still do), so that very much outweighed and continues to outweigh, any aspects that felt hard!

Have a question about freelancing, work-life balance, morning routines, or anything else? Leave a comment or click the button!